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Bouncing Back From A Painful Breakup

The reality of life is that not all relationships will last forever. Most breakdown in relationships is painful. It is rare to see both parties end a relationship in a peaceful way.  Feelings of shame, regret, pain and loss are common.

We conduct surveillance for a whole range of issues, the most common being suspected cheating. Our clients span all genders, as infidelity and suspicions of cheating seem to not be confined to just one gender.

Many times, when meeting with clients and revealing the evidence of infidelity, there are tears and pain.

Whilst we are not accredited counsellors, thru our experience we have found some of the following tips to be useful to those who bear the pain of a breakup.

Retreat

This is often the most natural thing to do, and rightly so. Retreating and finding your safe place with safe people is a key to healing. It enables you to be you, without judgment and criticism as feelings need to be expressed in a supportive environment. Not everyone needs to know your pain and hurt, just those who you trust and truly love you. You are vulnerable after a breakup, so choose your place and people to retreat to very wisely.

Reconnect

Take some time to reconnect with family and friends you may have lost contact with during the course of your relationship. Parents and siblings can often be the greatest support when dealing with pain. They’ve known you the longest and you’ve already seen each other at your highest highs and lowest lows. Sharing some time and old stories together can be a key to dealing with current pain.

A friend from another city or town can be a great support also. Reach out and you’ll be surprised how old friends and family can be your strongest support.

Remit

Let go. Remit. Let go of pain. The best way to do this is to forgive, which is never easy. Forgiveness doesn’t deny you’ve been wronged and hurt, but it does help you move forward. Most of us know someone who has never gotten over a bad breakup. They have never let go of the pain. They have never forgiven the other person but have chosen to hold onto bitterness and feelings of revenge.

Holding onto hurt and unforgiveness will only hurt you. Sure, there’s a time for feeling hurt and grieving, but there is also a time to let go.

And don’t mistake forgiveness for trust. If someone stole cash from my wallet, I wouldn’t lend them my credit card or car. You don’t need to trust a person again, but you do need to forgive. It’s a process, and takes time, but is always worth it.

Refresh

Do something good for your physical self. What does your body need? Sleep? Exercise? Massage? Good nutrition? Spa treatment?

Care for your body and take care of your physical self. You are worth it.

Resolve

Feelings of regret and resentment are natural. “What if” I did this or that differently... “Why didn’t I” do this, say this, see this..

All natural questions at this time.

But don’t let those questions stop there. Use them to resolve what you could do, say, or see moving into your future. What can I learn? What are some warning signs? What character qualities do I seek in a future partner?

Write these answers down and resolve the things most important to you.

Refocus

This is a good time to check the balance in your own life. Also a good time to see where you are headed. Is there a career or hobby you want to pursue? Maybe a friendship you’ve neglected or family member you haven’t connected with for a long time?

Now is a great time to work out where you are headed in life and plan the steps you need to take to pursue your goals.

Retry

One bad breakup doesn’t need to define your thoughts on relationships in the future.

Not all men/women are cheaters. Not all are abusive.

Not all are liars, thieves, controlling, manipulative, and so on...

There are plenty of great people on the planet. People that are caring, faithful, loving and kind. Don’t write off all because of a bad experience. Get back out there and be your best self. There is the right person out there just for you.

Ryan Lim